The Truth About Falling Off the Clean Eating Wagon

Here I am blogging again after a brief hiatus. I wish I could say that I have been a clean eating machine since my Whole 30 success. But the truth is I haven't....I know the SACRILEGE!! After all my great results and positive encouragement to others and here I am struggling to get back on track.

The truth is....its EASY. So easy to fall off the wagon. Its EASY eating food other people prepare. Its EASY to not have to make every morsel that goes in your mouth. Saying I will just have this one treat..." I earned it". Drive thrus are easy. Take out is easy. And its SO easy to undo all the hard work and clean eating you did in one month in a matter of a week or two. 

It started out slowly. I didn't go buck wild and drive from Starbucks to Taco Bell to Five Guys and get down and dirty. I had a 'cheat meal" one day and then happy hour a few days later. Then I started packing up my house to move and slowly all my cooking stuff was in boxes so it was EASIER to order take out....And then the downward spiral really took off. Take out, Starbucks for "energy" when I was tired, no sleep, not eating a good meal to start my day...etc etc etc. 

This was NOT me. But I can identify with the idea

So this is a short list of how things got going....

1. Thanksgiving (oh mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie)

2. We packed up our entire house. 

3. We moved.( I lived off Starbucks lattes for #2 and 3 and 4)

4. We unpacked an entire house. 

5. Christmas (why do people give so many cookies?)

Now I didn't eat terribly this whole time. But overall I certainly wasn't eating as cleanly as I could or know I actually want to. I would eat poorly for a day or so and then literally crave salads. I need to refine my ability to eat clean 80% of the time and indulge 20% of the time. Why do I (and a lot of women I think) do the following...."Well I missed breakfast because I was too busy trying to get out the door. So now I will have a Starbucks breakfast sandwich"...fast forward 3 hours "Well I already had that breakfast sandwich so now my clean eating for the day is totally shot" WHAT??? Why does my brain do this? Why don't I say "well you had that breakfast sandwich so you should get back on track and eat a SALAD." Ugh. I want to smack myself. 

And then the guilt of the bad eating becomes a cycle of feeling bad and eating some kind of comfort food to feel better. Its really ridiculous. And the only person I have to blame is me. Not the moving or the packing or the holidays. JUST ME.

Fortunately I have crossfit to keep me somewhat in check. Try going back to a work out after a week or so off due to moving and unpacking and all the while eating take out because all your food and cooking stuff is in transit or in boxes. That first WOD back was a misery. A sweaty, ugly, pathetic misery. I finished last by a large margin and I totally deserved it. Oh and people coming up to me and saying "oh YOU are the Whole 30 girl! I saw your post! You look great". :( oh the GUILT! And I do still look better than before I started but that damn tummy pudge is coming right back....

Here is me in that wod...looks like I'm doing well.
But notice NO ONE else is working out....
Yeah because I was the last one :( Oh reality.

So slowly but surely I am getting back on track. I have started cooking again at home. I will take the time to prep easy, clean snacks and meals. I have stopped going to Starbucks every day. (and even when I go I have figured out how to order a drink I like with significantly less sugar/syrup in it as well) 

Its New Years Resolutions time again...I don't make them. I stopped a few years ago because I didn't follow through and then I would feel bad which is totally counterproductive to the actual purpose of them. I now make GOALS. I type them up and check back every month or so to see how I'm doing. I hit several of my 2013 goals this year. And I succeeded on a few more things I didn't even have as goals (running 5 miles, toes to bar, Whole 30). So one of my goals this year is to continue to learn how to be healthy and have a healthy relationship with food. Its probably going to be a goal on my list every year.

Found this proverb...pretty fitting for this and all things. Might be this years mantra :)

The Before, The After and Surviving Whole 30

Wholy Crap! I did it. I completed Whole 30. I did not cheat. I did not succumb to temptation. I killed it. It was the longest 30 days of my life.

Ok maybe that is a slight exaggeration but I can tell you that 30 days is a lot longer than you think. I can also say that you can totally change your relationship with food in 30 days, no question. I did.

So I have taken pictures and measurements to show my progress from Day 1 to Day 30 and I will share those (AHHHH) at the end of this post.(And then I will shut myself in the closet because the idea of sharing pictures of me in a sports bra and spandex is terrifying...) But I have also learned a ton of things about me, food and my relationship with it. From big revelations to simple preferences, I learned a lot.
Such as....

1. I do not like ground chicken. Ground beef, ground turkey, ground pork all good. Ground chicken, no thanks.

2. I can in fact go through extremely stressful situations and not turn to food to make me feel better. During Whole 30, we basically sold our home with an extremely short settlement date and had/did not find a home we wanted to buy in that time. I literally feared we would be homeless at the end of 45 days. I wanted wine. I needed WINE. I also wanted chocolate and comfort foods to make me feel better. Instead I drank water and ate nuts. Yup. And I was fine. I actually slept better as a result. Go figure. (oh and we won't be homeless either ;)

3. Previous to Whole 30 I was an adamant HATER of lemons and limes. Basically all citrus fruit. Don't you dare put a lemon on the side of my ice water. No, I do not want lime on my mixed alcoholic beverage. I do not want a lemon vinaigrette or lime cilantro marinade. No thank you. No way. No how. And then all I could drink was water. Water is boring. Its refreshing. Its great for you. But it gets old. One day I was strangely compelled to cut lemon slices and put them in my water. I still don't know why. And then I drank it. And I liked it. What was happening to me? Who knows but now I drink water with lemon in it by choice. This has truly shocked people who know me well. Its such a small thing but a true indicator that my taste buds actually changed in 30 days.

I like this? Really? 

4. Sugar is in EVERYTHING. I know I have stated this in previous blog posts but I am still amazed by it. I challenge you to look at all the things in your pantry and refrigerator that you think DON'T have sugar in them. They probably do. And it may not just say "sugar" but if it says sugar, syrup, dextrose, sucrose, arbitrol,etc etc....its sugar. Check out this link to all the names of sugar in food...http://whole9life.com/book/ISWF-Sugar.pdf 

5. I started eating only because I was hungry. Not because I was bored or there was food available. Its less tempting to shove your face with food when the food is salad or nuts. Maybe thats just me but thats how I felt.

6. I made it through an entire Halloween and Halloween party without eating a single solitary piece of candy. And I didn't even buy the crappy candy no one wants. I bought Twix, Kit Kats and Snickers. (I will not be the house with the crappy candy). I did wait until the day of Halloween to buy it but I still didn't eat any or any of the candy my daughter brought home after trick or treating. It was easy. I just didn't eat it. Crazy, right? Yeah but it was that simple.

7. I really have a true love for Starbucks coffee drinks. I thought about them every day. It was the only thing that I could not kick the craving for. I will drink them again but have realized that I need to limit them and find ones that are low in sugar. I will start treating them as a TREAT not a daily requirement for living.

8. When I really REALLY wanted to cheat I just told myself I could do it. I could eat something else. I could make the right choice. I just believed that I was strong enough. And I was. It was amazing. I am truly proud of my perseverance  and dedication.

One of my favorite quotes with a whole new meaning. 

9. I am stronger than I think I am. Both mentally and physically. As a personal aside... I dropped TWO BANDS in assisted pull ups during Whole 30. I can now do red band pull ups!! This is a big deal for me :) Could be a combo of increased strength and weight lost but either way I am one step closer to unassisted pull ups which is a MAJOR goal of mine. And I also ran 4.8 miles at one time during Whole 30 as well. I have never ran farther than 3.1 miles and never wanted to. I was in a competition and one of the wods was a 4.8 mile run. I came in dead last. Didn't care! I ran the whole damn thing! I am still proud of that. 

10. Fueling yourself properly before and after workouts is really important. It was challenging on Whole 30 because there are no protein shakes. But it wasn't impossible. I became very aware of how the proteins and fats I needed to consume before working out and how dead I felt if I didn't. 

11. I can actually beat my own genetics with clean eating. I am a 35 year old female with hypothyroidism and challenging genetics. I am fighting nature, science and age. It is insanely easy for me to gain weight. And extremely hard for me to lose it. I use this concept as a crutch. Well in 30 days my body completely changed so it is totally possible to beat all of the above factors! 

Ok here they are...The pictures (of me in a sports bra and spandex shorts Ahhhhhhh) and the measurements. Please know that it has taken all of the courage in my being to put these pictures out there. I am still a work in progress but I felt I needed to share so you could see what can be accomplished in 30 days. Please be kind.

Measurements (# of inches lost)
Waist: 4 inches
Lower abdomen: 3 inches
Thigh: 2 inches
Bicep: 1.5 inches
Ribcage: 1.5 inches
TOTAL: 12 inches!! I lost a FOOT :)
Weight- If you are wondering how much weight I lost...I have no idea. I don't weigh myself on principle because it makes me crazy focussing on a number. My best guess based on my measurements and the way none of my clothes fit is that I lost 10 to 15 lbs.  

And there you have it. Me and my measurements. For everyone to see...this may have been a bad idea but its too late now. I decided to share this very personal information because I really think its important for people, especially women, to see what can be done in 30 days with diet and exercise. I ate real food. I cooked it all myself. I worked out 3-4 days a week. I drank a lot of water. Thats it. Thats all I did. I didn't do a crazy cabbage soup diet or take Hydroxy cut. I just ate SUPER healthy and exercised. I am just a 35 year old mom who made the decision to commit to this for 30 days. I think anyone can do this if they really want to.

So now what....

Well I have decided to keep eating like this as much as possible. I will be incorporating some non Whole 30 things back into my diet but I won't be going hog wild. I don't plan to belly up at an all-you-can-eat pasta buffet or stick my head under a Sweet Frog yogurt dispenser. I do plan to enjoy a nice meal out this weekend and have a drink or two at happy hour. But most days I will keep eating this clean because it works and honestly I feel really good. And at the end of the day thats what this was really about. 

C is for Community...

Gimme a C, Gimme a R, Gimme a OSSFIT! (Ok I was never a cheerleader) Whats that spell...CROSSFIT. But lets focus on the C shall we....

C is for Community.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think going to Crossfit over a year ago would impact my life so greatly. But not in reps or PRs or weight lost. For me the biggest impact is the community. The many awesome people I now call my friends.

I would say that I am perceived by others as outgoing, fun and personable. (Just go with it.... ;) I thrive in social settings and love to interact and meet new people. After having my daughter 3 years ago, I became a stay at home mom. I left the teaching profession after almost 10 years and settled in to mom life. And I was so lonely.

A lot of people don't talk about how sometimes isolating being a stay at home mom can be. And maybe its not for everyone but it was for me. Eventually I went back to work part time but I still had little interaction with many people and because we moved farther away not even with my friends.

I started at Titan Crossfit to battle my post baby body (that battle is more like a war that I am still waging a year later). I had no idea that anything would change in my life other than my pants size. I didn't know that the people who I at first envied for their ability to do pull ups or run when I could barely jog would become my friends. Good friends. Friends who constantly push me to achieve and try harder. Friends who keep the pessimist in me feeling positive. Friends who don't let me give up. Friends who constantly inspire, strengthen and support me.

I don't have a day that goes by where I don't talk to or text with many of my Titan friends. Yes mostly with things like "Whats the WOD??" or "I am so SORE" or "I hate running"....but also about our lives. These people have become like family to me. I look forward to going to Titan Crossfit not just to see if I can survive the WOD but to check in with my friends. To share stories, talk trash, high five and laugh.

Crossfit athletes are such a diverse group. Fire fighters, police officers, accountants, stay at home moms, college kids, trainers, nurses, musicians etc... And on paper I may have little in common with all of these people. And what started as just having Crossfit in common has grown into so much more. Happy hours, birthday celebrations, beach weekends, destination weddings, house warmings, laughs, smiles and friendships.

So when people ask me "how's that Crossfit thing going?" I smile. I answer and explain how much better I feel and how empowering being able to lift heavy weight as a female is. But to me "that Crossfit thing" is my more than that. Its family. A big, strong, awesome family :)

Here are just a few of those awesome people.... :) 

Pretty Sure Iced Vanilla Lattes are a Gateway Drug

Day 13 in the Whole 30 challenge and I can honestly say I feel pretty good and I have definitely adjusted to this way of eating. Except for one thing. And of all the things that I was expecting to miss this is the one I thought wouldn't be that big of a deal....

Grande Iced Vanilla Lattes from Starbucks. 

I wish I could drink the screen....

Just typing that out made me want to get in my car and drive directly to my nearest Starbucks and chug one down. Forget the straw I will just mainline it.

My question is WHY of all things is this the one that I just can't stop thinking about. I have a pantry full of snacks and treats and I easily bypass them several times daily. But I literally wake up thinking of these Lattes. 

I started really thinking about why this is and I have come to a few conclusions:

1. Starbucks puts crack in these. Thats not syrup. Its liquid crack. 

2. I have turned my latte habit into something that is a part of my daily routine. Surprisingly my little podunk town has a not only a Starbucks but one with a drive thru no less. I discovered this when my daughter was a baby and would fall asleep in the car and there was NO WAY I was waking her up. So I would drive around and get a coffee and play Angry Birds in my car. That was 3 years ago. And yet, here I am 3 years later and I still go to that drive thru several times a week. Its right by the grocery store! It has a drive thru! What could be easier? So accessible....

3. Coffee. That one is simple. I love it. I love it with a little creamer and a little sweetner (in my non Whole 30 life I prefer stevia for the record). I drink it habitually every morning and then whenever the opportunity for Starbucks arrives. I can literally subsist on these lattes and forego food. Truth. 

4. Sugar. Yup. I am not a "sweets" person. I prefer french fries or chips. Something salty. But I realized that is because I get all the sugar I need from those damn lattes. I looked it up. 28g in one 16 oz drink. Sad face. 

So there it is. I am addicted to Starbucks. Its fast. Its easy. You can find it on any corner. It makes me feel good. It costs way too much. I need it. I crave it....is there a Starbucks recovery support group? 

Holy Whole 30....

So I have in fact survived the first week of Whole 30. And thankfully so did all my friends and family. There were definitely a few "kill all the things" moments on days 2 through 4....  I sorry ;)

Ok so I did a quick S.O.T.T.(State of the Tiffany) review. Here is where I am with this whole process...

1) I am over the hump of low energy I believe. Early last week I thought I could and may possibly been able to fall asleep standing upright with my eyes open. Working out was a MISERY. And I had the privilege to attempt the "Filthy Fifty" as one of the WODS at Titan Crossfit last week. Lets just say this...It would have been ugly if I was at 100%. Therefore it was more like a soul sucking tragedy of athletic performance on my part.  At one point I just stared dead eyed at a grey wall while my brain screamed "Pick up the wall ball!!!" and my body was like "Girl you CRAY".

2)Sugar is in EVERYTHING. This is not an exaggeration. Its in all the obvious places you expect...anything sweet or processed. But I have found it in places I just don't understand. Taco seasoning? Sriacha? Worcestershire? Salsa? Italian salad dressing? Why people!! WHY!!! Tell me in what way sugar enhances taco seasoning. Sheesh. As a result I have made my own taco seasoning (link) as well as my own salad dressing (link) and my own mayo (link). I am become down right Martha Stewarty.

3) Eating on the go is a BITCH. Sorry but it is. There is no easy way to grab something to eat on Whole 30. Unless (and thank the Whole 30 heavens) you are near a Chipotle! You can have a salad with carnitas, any salsa and guacamole :) and its YUMMY. You can't have the other meats because they cook them in soy bean oil but the carnitas are delish. Other than that you had better start packing a bag o' goodies everywhere you go! I always have the following with me these days....cut veggies like carrots and cucumbers, almonds, an apple or banana and hard boiled eggs. That way I don't starve or turn into a bitchy Whole 30 zombie.

4) I cook for my family every night. But I have NEVER cooked as much as I have in the past week. Everything I eat, I have to prepare. Today alone I spent 3 solid hours stocking the fridge with prepped Whole 30 foods. Mostly because if I don't have something to eat when I am ravenous, then I know I will be more likely to cheat. So I have reaquainted myself with every cooking tool in my house. Crock pot, food processor, spice grinder, mandolin, immersion blender...you name it, I've used it. This is my actual fridge as of this afternoon....

Boom!!

1. Bottom line for Week 1: It sucked. It was hard. But I did it. And I am starting to feel better. My jeans are already looser and my skin looks awesome. I actually happily drink coffee with just plain coconut milk in it. And I am pretty damn pumped that I didn't totally buckle when I felt terrible. Bring it on Week 2 ;)

Whole 30 - Day 1 Musings and Whining

Today is Day 1 of my Whole 30 journey.  While I don't intend to blog everyday about this I figured I would jot down some thoughts on the first day so that I can reflect back....

So what I can tell you so far about Whole 30.
1) It could be called Whole Paycheck. Or Whole Night in the Grocery Store. I spent 2 hours and a lot of money buying food on Saturday night (yes I'm so cool) to prep and stock my fridge for this challenge. I leaned a lot about hidden sugars though I will say that.

2) I have been staring at a black cup of coffee for about 15 minutes. Just staring at it. I think I will eventually take a sip.... I love coffee. Coffee with creamer (i was using coconut milk creamer) and stevia. Yummy. OR my most favorite...Iced Grande Vanilla Latte from Starbucks. I could seriously live off of those things. But alas, for 30 days I will be drinking black coffee. I am predicting that I just stop drinking it all together and that the Starbucks baristas may call in a missing persons report for me....

3) Took a sip of the coffee....sad face.

4) I have a ton of food in my fridge. I have prepped NONE of it. Lol. I need to get on that or I am going to be relegated to eating hard boiled eggs and raw carrots all day.

5) I ate TERRIBLY all weekend. Worse than I have in a long time. I topped it off with a creamy shrimp pasta dish at Carrabas after a day of drinking beer at a Ravens game and then a night cap of Swedish fish. Yes really. At first I thought it was awesome. Then I got so full and grossly bloated and I felt terrible. Before I went to bed last night I was thinking how glad I was that I was going to rid my body of all the toxins I ate this weekend....
Now I just want some creamer in my damn coffee.

6) I can do anything for 30 days. I will feel great in 30 days. Maybe even late next week. This week is going to suck. It just is. But I will be fine....the rest of you, well I would avoid looking me directly in the eye on Thursday or Friday.

Falling On Your Face In Public and Other Cult Related Things

Yes I did in fact fall on my face in public. Well to be more exact I fell on my ass in a room full of approximately 100 people who were at the time watching me (and many other athletes) compete.

Before I get into how that happened, let me first point out that I referred to myself as an "Athlete". Not only did I refer to myself as such, I truly do think of myself as an athlete, at almost 35 years old. How did this happen? Pretty sure a year and a half ago, all I was doing was an occasional "yog" (thats my version of a jog) and some Jillian Michaels DVDs in my  basement.

Its funny how things change. I was indeed suffering through those DVDs last winter. And then I started training with a friend of mine, who also happens to be a kick ass trainer. She is amazing at what she does and was very good about NOT letting me make excuses and teaching me how to be accountable for my health both in the gym and in the kitchen. To date I can honestly say that Anna taught me more about how to eat properly than anyone else. I distinctly hear her voice in my head at night when I "need" a snack saying "If you aren't willing to eat fruit or nuts, then you aren't hungry". And she is right. I can never repay her for helping me reprogram my own thoughts about food and also the scale (she got me to throw that m-effer OUT!!)

Fast forward to this time last year and I went to a CrossFit competition that my husband was competing in. To be totally honest, I thought Crossfit and all the wackos that did it (including Bill) had to be truly disturbed to torture themselves in the name of fitness. Seriously. But I went to be a supportive wife. For the record, Bill did awesome and thus began him turning into a Crossfit super beast. And I got totally and instantaneously sucked in to the supportive and competitive Crossfit atmosphere. I pondered it for about 3 days and then told Bill it as time I "drank the Koolaid" and thats a direct quote.

A week later I strolled into Titan Crossfit and did my first WOD. It had snatches or overhead squats and burpees and some other horrible movements in it. All I wanted to do was survive....and I did! And then Nick, our coach, said there was dessert which only in Crossfit is something you DON'T want to hear. Dessert was 200m runs (gag) and handstand holds....say what?? I literally laughed out loud because there was NO way I was going to get my ass inverted on a wall. HA HA! Yeah well Nick had other ideas and basically had me kick up and pushed my legs at the wall until they stuck. And there I was almost 34 years old, upside down and being cheered on by a wall full of other upside down people. I was hooked. Signed up and never looked back. Its been almost exactly a year and I can truly say that is one of the best decisions I have ever made.

I'm not going to preach Crossfit here...although I TOTALLY could :) But will I am going to say is that what I have gained from Crossfit are all the intangible things that I hadn't even realized I had lost. Confidence, strength both mental and physical, determination, grit, commraderie, sense of self and a whole group of new friends who feel the same way I do.

So fast forward another year and here I am a Crossfit athlete.
 Athlete: (n) a person who is proficient in sports and other forms of physical exercise.
Yup that is me. I have now competed in 2 regional competitions and 3 local/in house competitions of my own volition. And in the most recent one, I fell hard on my ass in front of a group of 100+ of my peers while doing a VERY simple jumping movement. And it HURT. And it was EMBARASSSING. And you know what? I got up and kept going. I kept going through the shame and the pain and I didn't stop until I was done. I wish I could say my performance helped us to a win but it did not :( However in some ways it was a win for me because I didn't give up, I didn't give in, I believed in myself and kept going....
And trust me the girl I was a year and a half ago would not have.