Falling On Your Face In Public and Other Cult Related Things

Yes I did in fact fall on my face in public. Well to be more exact I fell on my ass in a room full of approximately 100 people who were at the time watching me (and many other athletes) compete.

Before I get into how that happened, let me first point out that I referred to myself as an "Athlete". Not only did I refer to myself as such, I truly do think of myself as an athlete, at almost 35 years old. How did this happen? Pretty sure a year and a half ago, all I was doing was an occasional "yog" (thats my version of a jog) and some Jillian Michaels DVDs in my  basement.

Its funny how things change. I was indeed suffering through those DVDs last winter. And then I started training with a friend of mine, who also happens to be a kick ass trainer. She is amazing at what she does and was very good about NOT letting me make excuses and teaching me how to be accountable for my health both in the gym and in the kitchen. To date I can honestly say that Anna taught me more about how to eat properly than anyone else. I distinctly hear her voice in my head at night when I "need" a snack saying "If you aren't willing to eat fruit or nuts, then you aren't hungry". And she is right. I can never repay her for helping me reprogram my own thoughts about food and also the scale (she got me to throw that m-effer OUT!!)

Fast forward to this time last year and I went to a CrossFit competition that my husband was competing in. To be totally honest, I thought Crossfit and all the wackos that did it (including Bill) had to be truly disturbed to torture themselves in the name of fitness. Seriously. But I went to be a supportive wife. For the record, Bill did awesome and thus began him turning into a Crossfit super beast. And I got totally and instantaneously sucked in to the supportive and competitive Crossfit atmosphere. I pondered it for about 3 days and then told Bill it as time I "drank the Koolaid" and thats a direct quote.

A week later I strolled into Titan Crossfit and did my first WOD. It had snatches or overhead squats and burpees and some other horrible movements in it. All I wanted to do was survive....and I did! And then Nick, our coach, said there was dessert which only in Crossfit is something you DON'T want to hear. Dessert was 200m runs (gag) and handstand holds....say what?? I literally laughed out loud because there was NO way I was going to get my ass inverted on a wall. HA HA! Yeah well Nick had other ideas and basically had me kick up and pushed my legs at the wall until they stuck. And there I was almost 34 years old, upside down and being cheered on by a wall full of other upside down people. I was hooked. Signed up and never looked back. Its been almost exactly a year and I can truly say that is one of the best decisions I have ever made.

I'm not going to preach Crossfit here...although I TOTALLY could :) But will I am going to say is that what I have gained from Crossfit are all the intangible things that I hadn't even realized I had lost. Confidence, strength both mental and physical, determination, grit, commraderie, sense of self and a whole group of new friends who feel the same way I do.

So fast forward another year and here I am a Crossfit athlete.
 Athlete: (n) a person who is proficient in sports and other forms of physical exercise.
Yup that is me. I have now competed in 2 regional competitions and 3 local/in house competitions of my own volition. And in the most recent one, I fell hard on my ass in front of a group of 100+ of my peers while doing a VERY simple jumping movement. And it HURT. And it was EMBARASSSING. And you know what? I got up and kept going. I kept going through the shame and the pain and I didn't stop until I was done. I wish I could say my performance helped us to a win but it did not :( However in some ways it was a win for me because I didn't give up, I didn't give in, I believed in myself and kept going....
And trust me the girl I was a year and a half ago would not have. 

Why Haven't I Blogged in Year and a Half....

Because I've been too busy living life to blog about it :)

I probably won't regularly blog after this but I figure why not take a few minutes to reflect on the past year and a half. When I left all my readers (yes all 7 of you) I had just fessed up to being lazy and had taken the very beginning baby steps in my journey to change and be healthy and happy.

Well good news, I am indeed healthy and happy. And I took a path that I never would have expected to get there. Before I go into how I basically joined a cult and changed my life, let me tell you a few things I didn't do to get to this place.

1. I did not continue to obsess about the scale. That thing is the devil people. It makes you define yourself by a number. Stop giving it power.

2. I did not beat myself up when I fell off the proverbial wagon. And yes I sure did and continue to do so. Went on vacation, ate like a linebacker, feel guilty and guess what...I moved on. I'm eating clean again. Its that simple.

3. I did not worry about what other people thought about me. I stopped caring what other people thought as I huffed and puffed by them while "running" ( I use that word loosely, I'm more of a yogger...almost a jogger). I decided that it didn't matter what size I was I was going to wear spandex shorts because damn it they are comfortable to work out in. If people have the time to judge you while you work out, they aren't working out hard enough.

4. I didn't punish myself. I had to learn that this is a process, a lifestyle, not a diet or temporary phase. Being healthy and fit means committing to it until its no longer a commitment but a part of who you are. If I eat french fries (and I love me some french fries....mmmm Five Guys) then I eat some fries. Guess what, not the end of the world. No need to get down on myself. What purpose does that serve? To that end, I also still struggle to NOT reward myself with food. "Oh I killed that work out today, I totally deserve Five Guys" (I really do have a thing for Five Guys lol).

5. Finally I did not give up. I am still going. I still have a long way to go to where I want to be. I have little goals along the way. I have stopped giving myself deadlines for progress. All that did was bum me out if I didn't reach them. I basically have a bucket list of things I would like to slowly accomplish. I will get to all of them as I continue to grow and work hard.

one of my favorite quotes

Next time I remember to blog I will let you in on all the awesome things I have done in a year in a half :)