reality and television

So lately I have taken to watching reality television shows about pregnancy and babies. Currently, I am watching "Make Room for Multiples" and feeling very lucky to only have one baby cookin inside me. Four newborn babies seems like a form of punishment. Yesterday I watched "Obese and Pregnant" which made me feel better about my moose-like state. I was happy to see many things I would not have to deal with...complications due to obesity, gestational diabetes,etc. And I also found out yesterday that I passed my glucose test so that put me at ease.  I did decide the skip opportunity to watch the show about pregnant women who were involved in extreme accidents including but not limited to a bear attack and being shot!!!! Seriously. I have also watched "Teen Mom" a lot this week. I figure if 17 year old girls can give birth and raise children I can definitely do it. Also I have avoided "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" because of what I have watching I have been irritated by. Really 9 months of pregnancy and you have no idea?? Give me a break. Pregnancy has if anything made me more blatantly aware of what is going on with my body than every before. And as pregnancies go I think I have had it pretty easy.
In my reality, I am getting closer to being ready.  Signed up for Childbirth and Infant Care classes. Start the childbirth class next Wednesday night....little anxious about that. I know the reality of labor is going to be staring me right in the face. I have been avoiding this very thing for 31 years. No way out now! I am looking forward to the Infant Care workshop. I will feel more prepared once professionals show me how to feed, bath, diaper and swaddle. They also help with breastfeeding basics. This all will be a great help.
I painted the nursery this past weekend. (Don't worry, I painted with all the windows open wearing a mask and with my doctor's permission) The nursery is officially covering in "pixie violet". Its bright and cheery and I like it. At first I felt like it needed to be pastel, but you know what I am not a pastel kind of person. I like it. I have come to the conclusion that not everyone will like my decisions for decorating or even parenting but I am going to do my best, my way. Thats the way it should be for every parent.

last days of my 2nd trimester

It seems like it wasn't too long ago that I was counting the days until the 2nd trimester. Touted to be the best of the 3 trimesters, less misery...more excitement. A nice reprieve before discomfort of the 3rd. I felt like I had so much time left to prepare. Well my 2nd trimester ends in just 5 days. Panic may set in.

Pregnancy Brain is serious business

I once heard a colleage refer to "placenta brain" as her excuse for not doing something correctly. I mentally rolled my eyes and thought "Yeah right, whatever". Well I take that back..

Just this week alone I have done some truly ridiculous things that I thought I was not capable of. However as I read all of my fancy pregnancy books, I found out a a few startling things....mostly that your brain cells actuallly DECREASE during pregnancy. Thats right...I am truly not as smart as I used to be.

Case in point...Tuesday morning: Got up, Got ready for work, fed the dog, warmed up the car and drove to work. Only realizing that I had left the house without my ENTIRE PURSE! Seriously??? In the past I would have thought...fluke. But no. Today I left without a jacket...its 35 degrees out. Tonight on my way home, my gas light came on which in my car involves the car repeatedly telling me I am out of gas. So, I drove right by the only gas station on the way home. Brilliant.

I hope Sophia is putting all of my brain cells to good use...I clearly am not.

24 weeks = 6 months

Imagine my surprise when I realized that as I slowly counted the weeks (like all good pregnant girls do...this is something I never understood before I was pregnant) that suddenly my 24 weeks meant I was 6 months pregnant. Now, its not like this snuck up on me. I felt like the first 3 months took forever. They involved so much waiting and secrecy to a certain extent that it almost seemed to prolong them. The following 3 have blown by! I was so anxious for particular milestones that I was happily counting down those weeks. Week 20 was the biggie...boy or girl. Then there were so many nonpregnancy related events that all of a sudden I was on my way to my 6 month check up!

Six months to me was a sudden wake up call. I am going to be a mom. Soon.

Huh. What I am going to do with that? Part of me is so excited to meet little Sophia. To see what she looks like, who she is going to be. The other part of me wonders if I am going to be a good mom. If I am really ready for this kind of responsibility. On paper, I look like the perfect candidate. Happily married, financially sound, college graduate, elementary school teacher. However, there are those other attributes that don't always make it on the fancy resume'.... that make me second guess.
Either way, motherhood is impending. I need to get ready (as ready as one can be I suppose).
So how do I do this you ask? I shop. I nest. I worry. I read countless books and scour babycenter.com for answers to all my questions. I am getting there. I feel a little more confident each day. Every time I settle on the right nursey items, the safest stroller or learn something new about newborns, I feel that much more prepared. 3 and 1/2 months to put it all to good use.

P.S. I stole this song from a friend :) It calms me.

on the brink

For me, pregnancy has been an interesting opportunity to become introspective. And when I say that I mean, I sit back and wonder what  I am doing??

Motherhood is the great unknown. Just wandering down the baby aisles in Target is mindboggling at times. I think that other moms to be feel this way, but what if its just me? Am I the only one who thinks that she is crazy for getting into something that she has no idea about?

I am not the type of girl who has a lot of baby experience. Never changed a diaper in my life. I have no siblings. I am pretty sure when any wellmeaning friend plops their newborn in my lap that I will break it. I love kids. My professional life is dedicated to them as a teacher. But a little tiny baby completely dependent on me is completely daunting.

On the other hand, I have been really enjoying the baby preparation side of things. I spend hours online comparing travel systems, bedding, cribs, and all things baby. I scour baby clearence racks and online sales like a fiend. I check things on Consumer Reports for safety and reliability. I read through each section of all of my baby books each week. I can tell you more about the travel system vs. the stroller or infant car seats vs. convertible car seats then I ever imagined I would. I carefully check things of my mental list (and to be honest the one I keep in my pregnancy journal). I spent months agonizing over the right baby names. I counted down the minutes until the sonogram that told me finally if I was having a boy or a GIRL :) This how I prepare.

And I am pretty sure I still have no idea about the new chapter of my life that will begin in only 4 short months.