Why Sleep is Never the Same

When you are pregnant, lots of people give you lots of advice. Most of it is annoying and almost condescending. But the most annoying one is "get your sleep now!!" usually followed by an all knowing chuckle. I remember being pregnant and thinking yeah like I can store up all the sleep I get now and use it later, thanks.
I now have an almost 14 month old and she sleeps pretty damn good :) She has been sleeping 11-12 straight hours a night for about 8 months now. We were lucky and she followed the typically sleep extension progression that all the books said. She started soothing herself to sleep at about 4 months (i.e. we didn't have to hold her or rock her to sleep anymore) And we only had to deal with 1 week of "I learned to stand up so I won't go to sleep anymore" drama. All in all we have been pretty damn lucky on the sleep front.
But after you have a baby you NEVER sleep the same again. Maybe when they leave the house for college?? I don't know.
Here is what I do know: (yes I know every kid is different, this is based on my experience)

1-2 months - You are up every 2-3 hours. 4 hours if you're lucky. You never knew you could appreciate 4 straight hours of sleep in your life. This goes for men too! Whether your wife is nursing or not, when your little baby lets out that "what the hell? Where am I? Why am I alone? I'm hungry!"cry in the middle of the night...you'll wake up too. Those of you who say "I can't function on less than 8 hours of sleep"....uh YES YOU CAN. Its at this point that coffee becomes more than a beverage and more like a salvation.

3-4 months - You start getting 5-7 hours straight if you are lucky. Some still only sleep in 3 hour stints. But you are so used to getting no sleep that you wake up thinking something must be wrong, panic and check on the baby. Then the baby looks so peaceful, you stay and watch the baby too long. Now you are wide awake. Great. Inevitably when you finally settle back in, the baby wakes up.

5-6 months- This is when many babies turn the corner and really start sleeping for 8 hours or more at a time. Now depending on when your baby goes to sleep at night this can be wonderful. Sophia went to bed at 7 so she still woke up at 2 or 3 am. However, she also started getting teeth at 5 months. Teething is the anti-christ and mortal enemy of sleep. A teething baby wakes up to a sore achy mouth all night long and in response cries and cries and drools and cries. So you will be up all night long. You may cry and drool as well. Hope you got a comfy chair for the nursery...you will spend many hours not sleeping in it.

7-9 months- SLEEP! Around now Sophia was done with middle of the night bottles. She started sleeping 12 hours straight every night. She did this earlier but I know that at this point she was doing it consistently. Its wonderful. The first time your child does it, you might freak and worry. The 2nd time they do it, you think please don't let it be a fluke. By the 3rd,4th and 5th time...you are joyous. You feel the need to (and do)post about it on facebook and brag to your friends.
** Don't forget evil teething can interrupt this wonderment at any time**

8-10 months- For us this time frame went from fantastic sleeping back to what we called the "Bedtime Battle". Before we figured out that little 4 month old Sophia did not like to be rocked to sleep anymore there was a harried week or 2 of us almost losing our minds at bedtime each night. The local wine shop had an increase in sales because I would have a glass of wine or 3 after bedtime each night just to calm down.
At 9 months Sophia had discovered how to pull up on stuff. So cute. So deceptively cute. Its cute until its bedtime and you put your wonderful little sleeper in the crib and expect the normal, roll over go to sleep routine. Oh no. Not any more. That kid can stand!! The crib is a cruising baby's dream. Until they figure out they are exhausted and don't know how to sit back down....then its a nightmare. Stand up, cry, repeat. Even when you put the exhausted baby down, they stand back up. At this point you consider trying to explain why this is silly to a baby...then you realize you are losing it. Eventually we had to CIO (Cry It Out). It sucked. Doesn't work for everyone. Daddies tend to be the weak link (Sorry Bill). But if you stick to your guns, it works in a day or two. Unless you have a stress puker (a baby that stresses out when you let it cry and pukes instead. then you have a crying baby covered in puke and you have to start all over again.) I thank my lucky stars that Sophia was not a stress puker.

12 months - Your now toddler has made it back to the typical sleep routine by now. You have become accustomed to the occasional teething interruptions. Things are good. So why aren't you sleeping like you did pre-baby, you ask? Because after a year of not sleeping like a normal person, you are conditioned to sleep lighter, hear every sound and wake up. Also babies don't understand the "its the weekend so we sleep in" concept so whenever your kid wakes up during the week, thats their weekend wake up time. And randomly they will wake up at like 5:30am for no reason and so will you.

Now I am only 14 months into parenthood, so I am hoping or have been told that it keeps getting better. And I know when she is a teenager, I will be dragging her out of bed. But all I know is that I never appreciated how truly blissful it was to go to sleep whenever I wanted with no chance of being woken up unexpectedly at 3:18am. Or how what a true gift being able to sleep in on your day off for a long as you want really is. Because once you have a baby...you never sleep the same again.