The Truth About Falling Off the Clean Eating Wagon

Here I am blogging again after a brief hiatus. I wish I could say that I have been a clean eating machine since my Whole 30 success. But the truth is I haven't....I know the SACRILEGE!! After all my great results and positive encouragement to others and here I am struggling to get back on track.

The truth is....its EASY. So easy to fall off the wagon. Its EASY eating food other people prepare. Its EASY to not have to make every morsel that goes in your mouth. Saying I will just have this one treat..." I earned it". Drive thrus are easy. Take out is easy. And its SO easy to undo all the hard work and clean eating you did in one month in a matter of a week or two. 

It started out slowly. I didn't go buck wild and drive from Starbucks to Taco Bell to Five Guys and get down and dirty. I had a 'cheat meal" one day and then happy hour a few days later. Then I started packing up my house to move and slowly all my cooking stuff was in boxes so it was EASIER to order take out....And then the downward spiral really took off. Take out, Starbucks for "energy" when I was tired, no sleep, not eating a good meal to start my day...etc etc etc. 

This was NOT me. But I can identify with the idea

So this is a short list of how things got going....

1. Thanksgiving (oh mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie)

2. We packed up our entire house. 

3. We moved.( I lived off Starbucks lattes for #2 and 3 and 4)

4. We unpacked an entire house. 

5. Christmas (why do people give so many cookies?)

Now I didn't eat terribly this whole time. But overall I certainly wasn't eating as cleanly as I could or know I actually want to. I would eat poorly for a day or so and then literally crave salads. I need to refine my ability to eat clean 80% of the time and indulge 20% of the time. Why do I (and a lot of women I think) do the following...."Well I missed breakfast because I was too busy trying to get out the door. So now I will have a Starbucks breakfast sandwich"...fast forward 3 hours "Well I already had that breakfast sandwich so now my clean eating for the day is totally shot" WHAT??? Why does my brain do this? Why don't I say "well you had that breakfast sandwich so you should get back on track and eat a SALAD." Ugh. I want to smack myself. 

And then the guilt of the bad eating becomes a cycle of feeling bad and eating some kind of comfort food to feel better. Its really ridiculous. And the only person I have to blame is me. Not the moving or the packing or the holidays. JUST ME.

Fortunately I have crossfit to keep me somewhat in check. Try going back to a work out after a week or so off due to moving and unpacking and all the while eating take out because all your food and cooking stuff is in transit or in boxes. That first WOD back was a misery. A sweaty, ugly, pathetic misery. I finished last by a large margin and I totally deserved it. Oh and people coming up to me and saying "oh YOU are the Whole 30 girl! I saw your post! You look great". :( oh the GUILT! And I do still look better than before I started but that damn tummy pudge is coming right back....

Here is me in that wod...looks like I'm doing well.
But notice NO ONE else is working out....
Yeah because I was the last one :( Oh reality.

So slowly but surely I am getting back on track. I have started cooking again at home. I will take the time to prep easy, clean snacks and meals. I have stopped going to Starbucks every day. (and even when I go I have figured out how to order a drink I like with significantly less sugar/syrup in it as well) 

Its New Years Resolutions time again...I don't make them. I stopped a few years ago because I didn't follow through and then I would feel bad which is totally counterproductive to the actual purpose of them. I now make GOALS. I type them up and check back every month or so to see how I'm doing. I hit several of my 2013 goals this year. And I succeeded on a few more things I didn't even have as goals (running 5 miles, toes to bar, Whole 30). So one of my goals this year is to continue to learn how to be healthy and have a healthy relationship with food. Its probably going to be a goal on my list every year.

Found this proverb...pretty fitting for this and all things. Might be this years mantra :)

Pretty Sure Iced Vanilla Lattes are a Gateway Drug

Day 13 in the Whole 30 challenge and I can honestly say I feel pretty good and I have definitely adjusted to this way of eating. Except for one thing. And of all the things that I was expecting to miss this is the one I thought wouldn't be that big of a deal....

Grande Iced Vanilla Lattes from Starbucks. 

I wish I could drink the screen....

Just typing that out made me want to get in my car and drive directly to my nearest Starbucks and chug one down. Forget the straw I will just mainline it.

My question is WHY of all things is this the one that I just can't stop thinking about. I have a pantry full of snacks and treats and I easily bypass them several times daily. But I literally wake up thinking of these Lattes. 

I started really thinking about why this is and I have come to a few conclusions:

1. Starbucks puts crack in these. Thats not syrup. Its liquid crack. 

2. I have turned my latte habit into something that is a part of my daily routine. Surprisingly my little podunk town has a not only a Starbucks but one with a drive thru no less. I discovered this when my daughter was a baby and would fall asleep in the car and there was NO WAY I was waking her up. So I would drive around and get a coffee and play Angry Birds in my car. That was 3 years ago. And yet, here I am 3 years later and I still go to that drive thru several times a week. Its right by the grocery store! It has a drive thru! What could be easier? So accessible....

3. Coffee. That one is simple. I love it. I love it with a little creamer and a little sweetner (in my non Whole 30 life I prefer stevia for the record). I drink it habitually every morning and then whenever the opportunity for Starbucks arrives. I can literally subsist on these lattes and forego food. Truth. 

4. Sugar. Yup. I am not a "sweets" person. I prefer french fries or chips. Something salty. But I realized that is because I get all the sugar I need from those damn lattes. I looked it up. 28g in one 16 oz drink. Sad face. 

So there it is. I am addicted to Starbucks. Its fast. Its easy. You can find it on any corner. It makes me feel good. It costs way too much. I need it. I crave it....is there a Starbucks recovery support group?